You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
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literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud