she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
