If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Every concussion has its silver lining
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online