she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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