I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
