In America we eat man semen.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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