I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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