I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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