you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
