it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
