just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Is it because I queefed?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
