You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
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i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
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Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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