I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize