This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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