The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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