You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
