Me too!
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
