your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
