i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
