I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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