if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize