Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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