Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
