I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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