keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
