Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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