i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I need a beard to bite.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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