I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Randomize
