VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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