bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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