it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
