P.S. I can't hear my feet
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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