Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
