so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
