I didn't shave. On purpose
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
