I hope mine doesn't look like that
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize