I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
