Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
