Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
