we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
