1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
