How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Randomize
