i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
