i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
