so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
