you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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