I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Randomize
