Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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