this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
