It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
