I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
