i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
