I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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