you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
