my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
