I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
