He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
