why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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