Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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