I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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