I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
