I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
