You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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