remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
