You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
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A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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