I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
