I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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