My liver just broke up with me...
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
