Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
