Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
