please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
