does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
