What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
