i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
