i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Randomize
