my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize