am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
